Sign In Sign-Up

Welcome!

Close

Would you like to make this site your homepage? It's fast and easy...

Yes, Please make this my home page!

No Thanks

  Don't show this to me again.

Close

<!>

Soulmates & Lifebonding:
A discussion

This discussion actually started as a result of some very fine adolescent-audience fiction, written by L.J. Smith, who wrote, among other novels, a fine series of supernatural thrillers called The Vampire Diaries (which I read myself when they first came out, even if they were intended for an audience a few years younger than myself, just because they looked promising). While the questions (and indeed, some of the answers) come from a point of view of someone of that age-range (and with some references to vampires and such...), I think the answers they came up with are, in general, rather sound, and do a good job of exploring the issue. I'll add my 10 cents (never content with only 2 cents...) at the end, to put it all into perspective.

The Soulmate Principle

One of the topics that has been brought up again and again on the listserv is that of the soulmate principle. Ash has asked several questions. Here are some of the questions...

1) How do you know that person is your soulmate?
2) How did soulmates come by, what is the history?
3) Any myths and legends about soulmates? I remember there was one, about humans have two heads, four arms and four legs? (Bleah!)
4) Do soulmates exist on the net? Like can you find your soulmate over the net?
5) What happens if you find a soulmate who's the same gender with you? I remember that question was featured in the NightWorld emails before. What I mean is will you still be attracted to your soulmate? Personally the first word that comes into my mind is. . . gay!!!!!!!!
6) Just say you found your soulmate. Then what do you do? Get hitched? Tie the knot? But what happens if he or she is on the other side of the earth? Or there's no way to meet each other? What happens if you DO get to meet each other, only to find that your family and his' are feuding, like Romeo and Juliet? The question is, what do you do if you found your soulmate?
7) Okay, what happens if you found your soulmate, then the next thing you know is your soulmate died? Was killed or something? What do you do? Will you still get to carry on with life? Maybe wait for the next lifetime to find him or her? (Theirry did that, but still, we're not immortals!)

<Responses>

Hljlj@horizon.hit.net's Responses:


 

1) You know a person is your soulmate if you feel instantly comfortable with them.

2) Soulmates are merely a single soul that for some reason or another has been split into pieces.

3) Actually the myth you're remembering is the one Gabby told Iolus on Xena. There are other myths though. There's a Hindi (I think) one, but I'll be hanged if I can remember it.

4) Finding your mate on the net is difficult but not impossible. It depends on how empathic you are.

5) If you find a soulmate the same gender as you there are a few possibilities: One: that person may not be your soulMATE they may be a soulsibling. Two: just because you're soulmates doesn't mean that the relationship has to be sexual.

6) Depends on you and the situation.

7) You carry on until the next life.

Jed's Responses:


 

1) You know when a certain person is your SoulMate because when you first see each other you feel as if you've been struck by a live wire. You can look into that person's eyes and see familiarity in them. You can also communicate without words, and by action alone.

2) There are at least a dozen or so beliefs by all the ancient religions on how soulmates came to be. But they all agree on one point which is that soulmates were created by the powerful forces that shaped our world (gods and goddesses). They were created because man or woman(certain religious texts differ here), needed a companion. Because of man's/woman's purity the gods and goddesses decided to create a pairing that would withstand the passeges of time a existance. And so the first soulmates were born. But in time man grew arrogant and evil so the gods and goddesses decided to discontinue the linking of souls. Only those that were born in the beginning were left with their soul links. These people were also said to be born special with certain inborn gifts or talents.

3) I seem to remember reading an ancient myth(don't remember which civilization) about two gods whose love was so great that when they died pieces of their souls fell to earth into people. those souls sought each other out and so the SoulMate's were born.

4) I must agree with the posting. Finding SoulMate's on the net is near impossible and may only be accomplished with divine intervention or if you are empathic.

5) There have been certain cases of same sex relationships based on the SoulMate principle. Some people who are SoulMates who have been together for a long time may be able to resist the call because of their experiences through various lives, but new SoulMate's may be consumed by the call and may refuse any obstacle on their path.

6) Meeting your SoulMate on a during a dangerous time is very uncommon but during certain periods of your lives you may find yourself tested on certain degrees that bring about the question "How much do I love him/her?" But then again certain SoulMates may be cursed for a period of lifetimes because of a evil misdeed they have comitted. Such was I believe the case of Romeo and Juliet, they were doomed to fall in love and suffer.

7) If your SoulMate dies before you have a chance to be with him/her for a significant time, then you may want to kill yourself since the pain of the loss literally feels like someone has ripped out your soul and shredded it into a thousand pieces. But never give up try to get on with life because your SoulMate according to every mystical and religious text I've seen so far your SoulMate cannot be reincarnated until you have died. You and your SoulMate must be born together though not generally in the same area where you are born. Unless you're an immortal :)

MoonGirl88@aol.com's Responses:


 

1) It's a feeling you get when you're around them. Just looking into their eyes will send a jolt through you of realization. Physical contact makes a peculiar feeling, like a lightning bolt, course through you. And you know they are who you'll spend the rest of your life with. It feels like you are one soul.

4) Yes, you can. They do exist. It's a lot harder to find them that way but sometimes just talking to them can put the soulmate principle into effect.

5) Gay is right. If you are indeed bisexual or gay you will still be attracted to this person-- and even if you are straight there will still be a strong sense of attraction that is not based at all upon physical appearance. But it rarely is based on physical appearance anyway.

Lin's Responses:


 

1) Well, you can't tell whether that person is your soulmate or not, but there are some cases when you meet your soulmate and somehow both of you just get an electrical charge. You will feel the person, and also communicate with your soulmate with or without words.

2) I'm not sure on the history, but soulmates are considered souls which have lost the other half of their soul somewhere in the universe. In other words they are souls which have been split up until found later on in time to come.

3) I don't really know about the soulmate myths and legends, but the one you are talking about couldn't really be possible and it's a little bit strange.Of course I wouldn't know whether it is possible for humans to have 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs; but then again things seem pretty strange themselves nowadays.

4) It is possible for soulmates to exist on the net. But the case is kinda rare, I mean like how many times a year do you find people saying they found their true soulmate on the net. It's just as difficult to find your mate here as well as off the net. Not unless you are able to fantasise.

5) Gay!!! Definite gay! I might be attracted to her but it's kinda gross. As long as we love each other that's important cause when people are in love they tend to not care what thier soulmate looks like. As James would say 'you don't love a person for thier looks but because of the song they sing which only you can understand'.

6) If I were to have found my soulmate I would (honestly saying) don't know how to react. Except for the most logical thing but to make contact.If my soulmate, however , was on the other side of the earth well then if I was totally crazy in love I would search to the end of the earth for my soulmate. He's worth it. If we do get to meet each other only to be seperated by our family's feud, then I will keep on trying to find a way to get us together. Running away will get nobody anyway, except into a heap of trouble just like Romeo and Juliet. They were so madly in love they would have done anything to be together, but who suffered and were found dead later on. Both of them. So I guess Soulmates are also kinda dangerous in a way at times.

7) If my soulmate died I will carry on with life because I know he would have wanted me to and not pull myself to commiting suicide just so I could be with him. For I know even if I did kill myself just to be with him I could end up somewhere else instead.

Azusa's Responses:


 

1) When your mind, body, and soul all say 'I know this person...'

4) You may find your soulmate on the net, but not easily. You have to have some sort of sixth sense, or else you won't 'feel' them. You could meet them and just pass them up.

5) I have often asked myself the same question. Maybe it's population control =) I think that if the person is really your soulmate, then it won't bother you so much. Not that homosexuality is any better or worse than hetrosexuality. It's just a preference. How do you think a 'gay' person would feel about having a soulmate of the opposite sex?

6) It depends on how you feel. Even in the Night World series, people reacted differently. It depends on your ages, locations, and beliefs. Though eventually marriage is probably inevitable.

7) You will meet them in the next life. Mourn and move on for the time being. 'Death cannot stop love, it can only delay it.' - The Princess Bride

Anj122's Responses:


 

1) Whenever you touch them, skin to skin, you usually feel something like electricity flowing into you.

2) When the Old Powers awakened, people started to have soulmates, people they were destined to be with forever.

3) Not really, just that you have one person your destined to be with for the rest of your life.

4) Dunno. Probably not, because you can't touch skin to skin or see into they're eyes, but it's still possible.

5) ::giggles:: It's possible, yes, but probably unlikely.

6) What you probably should do is stay in touch with them as much as possible, and when you're older (if you're not already old enough), go meet them some place and probably get married.

7) What i would do is wait for the next lifetime for them, carry on life pretty sad but hopeful.

Annette Kennedy's Responses:

1) There almost always are sparks and confusion when their skin meets

2) All I know is that the Old Powers connected 2 souls so that they were forever joined

3) There are probably tons, but I can't think of any right now

4) Most definatly. My friend thinks she might have found hers, cool huh?

5) You become the very best of friends if you're not gay, if you are, well...

6) If you want you can get married. If you can't meet write. Calm your families down. When you find them stay w/them.

7) You carry on & treasure their memory. I suppose if you were a vampire you could wait until the next lifetime, but otherwise just continue with your life and continue to do what you would normally do. This includes dating, because it is what your soulmate would want. Love is choosing the highest good for the other person.

Katherine Tomko's Responses:


 

1) You touch, and it's like, "I know you. Idon't know where from, I don't know how, but I do."

2) Who knows?

3) Probably a bunch, but the only one I can think of is Isis and Osiris. The legend didn't say as much, but still......

4) I doubt it.

5) Yeah right.

6) You just go on. It's very painful, but you do.

Samantha Howls' Responses:

1) You just know, it is like magick, youi click and instantly you know that you don't have to prove anything to them, you are both comfortable with each other and after 5 minutes chat you want to know them more and more as they faciniate you and you facinate them as you are alike so much it feels like you ae talkign to yourself.

2) My version of the history is that in a former life time you met and even in death you cannot be parted you will find a way to find each other in your next life, and if on the chance this is your 1st life then it's fate that brought you together forever more.

3) The legend i have heard is that every one has a double whether it is physical or mental, but i don't think that is your soul mate more like a doppleganger.

4) Yes definatly, I mean the world is a big place so how r u goign to find your mate if you live the otherside ??? With the internet you join chats etc that you like and to find people with your same interests, well so does your soulmate after all are we not all lookinf for our .. i know i am, i still hav'nt found her/him. So the internet can broaden your scope.

5) You might find a soulmate that is perfect yet same sex, if you are not gay then that is a issue but can you not love them like a sister/brother you don't have to have a physical relationship to truley love someone as you can be just as close. Love comes from deep within.

6) If i found my soulmate then nothing on earth would stop us from staying together either as bestfriends or partners. When you find your soul mate then your bond between each other will be so strong you wont be able to let go, and if this means a few sacrafices then i am sure you both would make some choices together.

7) Of course carry on with life as youi will always know that you will meet them in the next, you have not completely lost them and you will know that they will be waiting for you and will always be watching over you when you need him/her most.

Whitney's Responses:

1) You know you've found your soulmate when you really and truly feel like you've known someone for your entire life (and longer) even when you've first met them. When you are with your soulmate, you feel truly alive and whole, but without them you feel -- in a way -- dead inside. You say things at the same time, instinctively know what the other is feeling or thinking, can "feel" where the other person is and if they're OK -- it's a lot like the "twin thing" you hear about.

2) Really, each person has *two* soulmates, not just one. In other words, a soul from a past life has been split into *three* parts. Some very lucky people find one of their soulmates, and when that happens life is great. But if they then find the third soulmate too early (and it's almost always "too early" -- your soul has to be practically enlightened before you are ready to face both of your SMs), chaos ensues, and everyone gets hurt. Bad. (A good book on soulmates is Pike's "The Lost Mind," BTW)

3) There's probably a lot of myths and legends about soulmates...in fact, I think Rama and Sita from Hindu mythology were soulmates, but don't quote me on that. I could be wrong. You would find most of your soulmate legends in Hindu and Indian literature, I'm sure.

4) I suppose you *could*, but.... I doubt it.

5) You don't necessarily have to be attracted to your soulmate in a sexual way. In fact, a lot of people who find their soulmates don't find a husband or wife, but instead find a great best friend of the same gender as they are (or even of a different gender). So if you ever find a friend that seems to know you better than you know yourself and is always true to you, you've probably found your soulmate.

6) I truly believe I have found my soulmate in my boyfriend, and right now his parents are keeping us apart. (OK, that was off the subject but I'm getting somewhere, I promise.) The point is, when you find your SM you won't *ever* want to be without them, no matter what is happening in either of your lives. You'll know it will be worth anything you have to go through to be with them. But like any relationship, you shouldn't just say "Oh, found my soulmate, gonna elope" -- you have to let it develop.

7) If your soulmate dies or is taken away from you, it will be hard to get over. It's like, what's worse than never finding your SM? Finding them and then losing them after you know how good it is to have him or her. But you will go on, and eventually find someone else to care about, and hey, there's always your *next* life. :-)

Juice Haney's Responses:

1) You know when you meet your soulmate when you can talk to them forever about nothing at all. When it feels like a dagger digging into your side, if they leave.

2) Soulmates don't just happen, it's more complicated then that. It's like a puzzle that needs to be finished. There isn't a lot about the history of soulmates unless you dig deep.

3) Yes! Myths and legends about soulmates are all around. I firmly believe the one about the beautiful beasts that share one soul.

4) Soulmates exist everywhere. Sometimes, they're very far away and you just happen to meet them on a trip or on the net. Anything possible!

5) The age old question. If you happen to find your soulmate and they are the same gender, you might become the greatest of friends and not have anything go farther then that. But, depending on who you are you might be attracted. Different things are attractive to different eyes.

6) After the long wait of finding your soulmates, don't rush. The other person may think you're crazy if you come up to them one day and say "marry me, we were born to live together" or "we've lived through centruies together, it's destiny. Get to know them. The best realtionships always start as friends.

7) If this person dies, then maybe they weren't your soulmate altogether. But, it could also mean you are destined to be sad and lonely all of your life. The fates have a weird way of working.

Lady FaerieFire's Answers to the Lifebonding Questions:

1) How do you know that person is your soulmate?

You don't, always. Even if you think you're right, there may (and perhaps should?) always be a doubt. In the end, it shouldn't matter, because even if you are right, you have to take every relationship on the basis of its present state of evolution. Just because we knew somebody before doesn't mean we pick up again where we left off. We learn things in the in-between times, and we all change. You've got to deal with it as you would with any other relationship, with a few extra perks and some really ancient baggage.

 
2) How did soulmates come by, what is the history?

The concept has been around as long as I can see. It crosses borders of geography, enthnicity, religion and philosophy. It might just be wishful thinking, romantic might-be's. Or it might not. But humans have accepted the idea as a common part of the human condition for pretty much all of known history. The legends vary by time and faith, the most common one being that a single soul was split into two for some reason, but that the ties still bind the halves together across time and space.

 
3) Any myths and legends about soulmates? I remember there was one, about humans have two heads, four arms and four legs? (Bleah!)

See above.

 
4) Do soulmates exist on the net? Like can you find your soulmate over the net?

They exist on the Internet just like they exist in real physical life. And you're just as likely to meet your soulmate on the 'net as you are in person. It just means (in most cases) that it's harder to actually have a relationship with them. On the other hand, if your soulmate happens to live a long way from you, you'd be more likely to meet them on the 'net than in person, so modern technology could be an asset.

 
5) What happens if you find a soulmate who's the same gender with you? I remember that question was featured in the NightWorld emails before. What I mean is will you still be attracted to your soulmate? Personally the first word that comes into my mind is. . . gay!!!!!!!!
 

Well, sure. And that's a good reason for people to be more accepting of people with a different sexuality from them. You might be heterosexual in this life, but maybe next time out you'll be meeting up with your lifebonded, and they'll be the same sex. In that case, you'd be better off if you were gay, wouldn't you? You've also got to remember that just because you love someone with this kind of depth, it doesn't mean you've got to be sexually involved with them. The people we keep around us from life to life are often not just our lovers. They're friends and family, too. So maybe this time out you're lovers, but next time you could be parent and child, or same-sex friends, or teacher and student.... It's the souls that are fated, mated and matched, and since we're talking about a bond that last from life to life, even past the death of the body, the body is only the house for the soul that is bound.

6) Just say you found your soulmate. Then what do you do? Get hitched? Tie the knot? But what happens if he or she is on the other side of the earth? Or there's no way to meet each other? What happens if you DO get to meet each other, only to find that your family and his' are feuding, like Romeo and Juliet? The question is, what do you do if you found your soulmate?

Whatever comes naturally. Sounds silly, but it's true. It's a relationship like any other. If you decide you want to get married, then do. If you never find them, it hardly matters, does it? If they live far away (or if you're stuck in a real-life family feud), then you've both got to decide how important the relationship is to you, what lengths you're willing to go to to be together. The harder issue is one of what you do if you find your soulmate, and they're running around blissfully unaware. Do you tell them you're lifebonded? Persue them relentlessly until they figure it out? I again fall back on my response of: do whatever comes naturally. If you'd ask them out every day for the rest of your life (an extreme notion in any circumstance), fine. But if you'd just hope that things would someday click between you, then that's good too. I urge caution. People are alarmed by being relentlessly pursued in this age of stalkers. If they haven't taken you up on your propositions after a reasonable length of time, then maybe you're not supposed to be with each other in this life. Maybe, this time, your lesson is to deal with the disappointment of not being around them, to have patience for the next time you will be together. We're not bonded with each other for our life's pleasure, but rather for the wisdom and lessons we gain from the experience, whether the experience is hard or joyful.

 
7) Okay, what happens if you found your soulmate, then the next thing you know is your soulmate died? Was killed or something? What do you do? Will you still get to carry on with life? Maybe wait for the next lifetime to find him or her? (Theirry did that, but still, we're not immortals!)

You've always got the option of sticking around until your own time comes. That's the default option. It's hard. Probably one of the hardest things a person ever has to go through. On the up-side, you know that a bond this strong has to last until you're together again, and well beyond, so you shouldn't fear never being with your soulmate again. But it's still like having a piece of yourself torn away again, after finally finding it. I think the stronger souls usually stick around. The weaker ones, those who depended more on their other halves, I think they either commit suicide or will themselves to death sooner rather than later. And those that stick around to live out their lives, I think they always feel a great sense of loss, but they're also richer for the experience, and they can have great lives with friends and family, and maybe fall in love again. It's never the same, but it can still be good.